Think back to a time when you were truly hurt. Not a physical hurt, but rather a psychological or emotional hurt cause by someone close to you. It could be a time when a friend spread your deepest secret with those who would use it against you. It could be when someone you truly loved with left you for someone else. You would be angry. Now, did you forgive the one who caused you this harm? Forgiveness is a big part of the Christian life. We are commanded to forgive, but are there other benefits to this?
Are we to forgive and forget? If we do forgive and forget, how are we any different from a child who is in constant need of redirection? Memory plays a major role in life. It is how we advance through childhood and into adulthood. Picture a child and a fire. The child looks at the fire with no prior knowledge about what it is and what it does, but knows it looks pretty. If the child reaches out and tries to grasp the fire, what happens? He burns his hand. This pain is committed to memory and resides there for future recall. The next time the child has a thought to hold the flames, the painful memory of his burnt hand will resurface and he will refrain from repeating his mistake. With that story in mind, picture a man and his wife. The wife notices that her husband has been coming home later and later in the evening saying that he was helping his sister-in-law build a wardrobe. Later on, the wife finds out that her husband was having an affair with her sister. The husband begs for forgiveness when his wife finds out, promising never to do this again. The wife forgives her husband, but will she forget what he has done? If she does wipe this memory away, who is to blame if he commits adultery again? It would be better to forgive and remember that way she could see the signs of adultery and try to prevent it from happening again. Like the child and the wife, we must commit painful memories to memory in order to prevent or avoid that pain in the future.
Forgiveness has many different biological benefits to it. Those who forgive more or have forgiving personalities have “lower depression and anxiety, and higher self-esteem” (p.142). Physically, forgiveness can help promote heart health. Anger and anxiety have been linked to hypertension. This strain on the heart can lead to heart disease, which can shorten the human lifespan. With forgiveness, we release the anger and anxiety surrounding the things or situations that cause the act to be necessary. Forgiveness has also been linked to lower cholesterol.
In the end we are reminded that health benefits should not be the reason we forgive. Granted, the benefits surrounding forgiveness are to be desired, but are we truly forgiving someone if we are only doing so for the benefits? We should forgive because we wish to reconcile with the person or situation that caused us the pain, and because we are commanded by God to do so. Should we not forgive others or offer them grace since we were offered the same when Jesus was nailed to the cross? In the end, the authors tell us not to be selfish with our forgiveness, not to be selfish when we forgive.
This was an interesting chapter, but I wished they listed more health benefits of forgiveness. Granted, I already knew about the lowing of blood pressure and cholesterol, but I am also a nursing major and have been taught this. I should not assume my knowledge is common knowledge. I do find it hard to forgive though. Looking back on my life, there is a situation that has caused me a lot of pain because I allowed it to consume me. I told the person I forgave them, but I never truly did. I held onto hatred and anger for the longest time instead of committing the lesson of that situation to my heart and “letting it go.” During this time, my blood pressure was higher, I ate more, and became more depressed and anxious. If I had learned this lesson before, I could not say that I would have heeded its words. In any case, the authors last point hit home. We should not forgive because of the benefits it brings, but because we wish to show them, the grace that God has commanded we show. Now, when I first read this point, I was thrown aloop. How can we truly forgive someone if we are commanded to do so? Does not that negate the reason of forgiveness? What the authors mean here is that God has commanded us to forgive, but we must not forgive just to please God or for any other benefits that forgiveness brings, but rather to show the grace that He once showed us. We commit the acts that caused the forgiveness to memory, but must learn that pain is just a result of the curse that we live under. If we are to live under the curse, we must expect to be hurt, and then forgive the ones who have caused the hurt, and hopefully be an influence in their lives.
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